Are you a Birth Parent or a Birth Relative who has been separated from a family member by adoption?
Are you wanting to access services that can help you?
If so, we may be able to offer you support, advice and practical help.
Birth parents and birth relatives, brothers, sisters, grandparents and others who were separated from someone in their family some years ago may have been left wondering how that person is today. Are they safe and well? Have they been happy? Would it be possible to find out?
1. Is there someone I can talk to about this?
Yes. The staff at IOMAS are qualified social workers experienced in adoption and have been supporting birth relatives for many decades. We can offer you an appointment to come in and talk to us or visit you at home, if preferred, if you live in the Isle of Man.
If you do not live on the island but believe your relative may have been adopted through our agency then we can still support you by phone and/or by putting you in touch with a similar agency in your area. We can also offer you an appointment if you give us notice that you are visiting the island.
2. Can I make contact with the adopted person?
You cannot contact them directly as you are not allowed to have their adopted name (or any other identifying details) without their permission. However we can offer an Intermediary Service - which means we can locate and contact the adopted adult on your behalf, and establish if they would like to be in touch with you.
3. Will they want to have the contact?
Some people do and others don’t, and this is not possible to predict. But what is certain is that the adopted person needs time to think about their response, just as you have taken time before asking for us to contact them.
4. Do reunions work out well?
Some work out well for all concerned and create a number of positive links within and across families.
Others don’t, and there are many reasons for this. It may be that the people involved have different expectations - perhaps they want only occasional contact while you may want to be in touch regularly. Sometimes other relatives in either family can be unhappy about the reunion and that may influence how you feel and behave.
Like any important relationship, those between “relative strangers” need to be worked on to succeed.
5. How can I prepare myself for a possible reunion?
First, think carefully about what you are hoping for. But also be prepared that the adopted person may not want the same. You may want to talk through your wishes and feelings within your own immediate family and ask how they will feel if you embark on a search and possible reunion.
You can also continue to talk to us at each step of the way. We have a number of books and articles which may help you consider possible outcomes.
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